I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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