Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Come see our sink grown plant.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
