Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize