At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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