Will you blow on my dice?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
