i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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