I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
