The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
