Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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