He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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