You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
