I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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