She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
