C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
