I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
