I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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