I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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