dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I still have a little drunk in my system
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
