He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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