Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
