If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
