make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i think i just lost a toe
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
