To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
