i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
