I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
