I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The air was thick with penises
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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