i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
