Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
