a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
