my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
