i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
