Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
