bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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