Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
