Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
