I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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