that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
