It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
