I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
