why didn't you poke me back
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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