We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
