Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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