Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
