Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
