Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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