Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
