So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
