At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
