I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
