How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
