Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize