the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
