toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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