I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My cat gives me a boner
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
