I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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