forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I believe in your delicious
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
