I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he puts the penis in happiness.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
