He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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