woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i will never coherently bang her
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
