Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
