bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
