just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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