the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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